2. Oorkom die Hindernisse in Kommunikasie

Communication is like two space crafts docking in space

Kommunikasie Hindernisse

“But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things”

ἀληθεύω alētheúō; fut. alētheúsō, from alēthḗs (G0227), real, actual, not counterfeit. To act genuinely, truly. In Eph. 4:15, the expression “speaking the truth in love” is alētheúontes, meaning to endeavor to express the truth in a loving manner. In Gal. 4:16 not only speaking the truth but presenting an action as the truth and not counterfeit (Sept.: Gen. 42:16; Prov. 21:3).

Everything is intricate beyond imagining. Everything is affected by everything else.

It is well-known that people communicate through a set of filters shaped by history, sense of identity, beliefs about what is true, and values about what is right, as well as perceptions and interpretations of what is going on. When someone else communicates with us, we squeeze the message through our own personal filtering system to understand. Of course, people from the same ethnic, cultural, gender, national, or geographic grouping have some common history and beliefs. That makes communication within those groups easier, than between people who come from different backgrounds. Beyond these differences, each of us also has unique ways of thinking and processing. We pay attention to various aspects of reality, based on how we individually use our brains. Some of us think in detailed linear sequences, while others prefer to envision a larger whole. Some people are attracted to those things that are different and new, while others are drawn to what is the same (or at least similar) to what they already know.

In Noam Chomsky’s 1957 Ph.D. thesis, Transformational Grammar, he said there are three processes by which people create the filters of their individual Model of the World: [1]

  1. Deletion
  2. Gerenalizasion
  3. Distortion [2]

Praat ALTYD die WAARHEID, of probeer immers om nie te jok nie.

God created order out of chaos through precise words. [3]

Daar vind geen oordag van inligting plaas sonder empatie nie – EMPATIE is die brug konneksie vir kommunikasie om plaas te vind.

GEMAKLIKHEID is die einddoel en fokus! Wanneer ons gemaklik “permission to speak freely” met mekaar praat, gebeur die wonders van konneksie!!

Die volgende hindernisse is wat hierdie WAARHEID, EMPATIE en GEMAKLIKHEID onmoontlik maak.

Hindernisse

Perseptuele 

  • Kulturele agtergrond
  • Slegte ervarings in die verlede
  • Assosiasie
  • Behoeftes
  • Onderrig 

Taal

  • Grammatika
  • Woordeskat
  • Betekenis
  • Jargon
  • Etikette
  • Sinkonstruksie

Fisiese 

  • Geraas
  • Suurstof
  • Beligting
  • Netheid
  • Atmosfeer

Fisiologiese 

  • Hoofpyn
  • Siekte en pyn
  • Honger
  • Moegheid
  • Emosioneel
  • Konsentreer op iets anders
  • Medikasie, drank of dwelms

Sielkundige 

  • Gesindheid of ingesteldheid
  • Wêreld beskouing
  • Ideologie 
  • Leerstellige oortuigings
  • Spanning en stress
  • Sielkundige episode
  • Persoonlikheidstipe – analities, visionêr, metodies, netwerker (2interact Communication Intelligence Deon Basson)

Verwoestende self-verdediging tegnieke.

  1. Katastrofisme – ‘n kopseer is ‘n breingewas, ‘n knoppie in die bors is kanker… dink die ergste. Vergroot ‘n krisis.
  2. Gedagtes lees – maak afleidings as bewysbare feite.
  3. Personifisering – pyn maak mens self-gesentreer, alles word vanuit jou pyn of vermoë gesien. Iemand kla oor moegheid, jy voel hulle sê hulle is moeg vir jou.
  4. Veralgemening – altyd, nooit, almal, niemand…
  5. Nominalisering – ‘n proses word ‘n objek. Ons huwelik sal nooit werk nie, ons verhouding is dood… verhoudings en huwelike is dinamiese, en verander die heeltyd.
  6. Swart of wit denke – geen middel grond, mense is of sleg of goed, hulle is of wonderlik of hulle is ‘n pyn…
  7. Selfregverdigend – verdedig my motiewe, aanvallend op ander se motiewe. Behou te alle koste die hoër status…
  8. Ons ‘moes’ dit eerder so gedoen het – kan glad nie met enige vorm van skande assosieer nie. Daarom soekend vir perfekte scenarios. Die lewe is net mooi en wonderlik as alles volgens hierdie perfekte norm verloop.
  9. Voel verantwoordelik vir alles en almal – neem die skuld vir alles en almal. Voel onmiddelik verantwoordelik en moet probeer red teen alle koste.
  10. Voel ‘n slagoffer, kan nie help nie – oorgegee aan die situasie, ek kan nie help nie, dit is nou maar hoe dit is…
  11. Verdedigend – ‘n algemene stalling word onmiddelik as persoonlike kretiek geintrepreteer.
  12. Sien geisoleerde geval as die hele prentjie – Sukkel om binne die lyne in te kleur. Die hele prentjie word gekleur in die bepaalde emosie van die oomblik.
  13. Globale beskuldigings – groter agent kry die skuld van alles… verskoning om niks te doen nie.
  14. Beheer – wil alles probeer beheer, en in jou orde hou…
  15. Beleef spesifieke kritiek as verwerping van die hele persoon.

Wanneer mens deur hierdie lys van hindernisse gaan, dan moet jy besef, dat om net te sê wat jy dink sonder ‘n strategie gaan lei na misverstande en konflik. Tydsberekening, konteks, diepte van vertroue, en gesagsrol is wesenlike punte om te bereken in jou strategie.

Shamebased Hindernisse

Hier is ‘n verdere lys van kommunikasie distorsies om te oorweeg.

Disasosiasie; Vermyding; Ontkenning; Hiperaktief; Hardheid; Persoonlikheids verandering; Stilstuipe; Martelaar sindroom; Misplaasde woede; Projeksie; Kompensasie; Isolasie; Kritiek; Minagtend; Afbrekend; Moraliserend; Klassifikasie; Vergelykings; Manipulerend; Eise steel; Dehumanizing; Demonizing; Deindividualize.

Moralisering: One kind of life-alienating communication is the use of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness or badness on the part of people who don’t act in harmony with our values. Such judgments are reflected in language such as, “The problem with you is that you’re too selfish.” “She’s lazy.” “They’re prejudiced.” “It’s inappropriate.” Blame, insults, put-downs, labels, criticism, comparisons, and diagnoses are all forms of judgment. [4]

Niemand wil met iemand praat wat hom of haar klaar geoordeel het nie!!

Kommunikeer sonder Aggressie

NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of being habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting. We are led to express ourselves with honesty and clarity, while simultaneously paying others respectful and empathic attention. [5]

  1. Observasie – Neem fyn waar.
  2. Wat presies Voel jy – soek empatiese konneksie – ek voel jou, ek verstaan wat jy voel.
  3. Wat is jou Behoefte – Wat presies is die probleem?
  4. Direkte Versoek – Wat kan ons doen, besluit?

Johannes 4 – Die gelykenis van die samaritaanse vrou.


[1] Noam Chomsky’s 1957 PhD. Transformational Grammar

[2] Rose Charvet, S., 2019. Words That Change Minds. Institute for Influence

[3] Jordan B Peterson, 12 rules for life

[4] John Bradshaw – healing the shame that binds you. Health Communications Inc. Bl 195-200 Bradshaw, J., 2015. Healing the Shame That Binds You. HEALTH COMMUNICATIONS, pp. 185 – 200. Ekstreme Mure Oprig

[5] Nonviolent Communication Rosenberg, Marshall, 2003. Non-violent communication. Encinitas, Calif.: Puddle Dancer.


Huiswerk:

Skryf jou bepaalde kommunikasie slegte gewoontes neer:

Lees meer op oor hoekom of wat is die wortel/oorsaak van hierdie negatiewe verdedigingsmuur wat jy opgebou het?

Wat kan jy prakties doen, om in dit te vermy, en ‘n alternatief in plek te sit?